Is Being Authentic Really Good For You?
When we change the role we are playing in life, others have to learn to adjust how they react to us. Sometimes this causes friction in relationships. By knowing this we can learn to be our true, authentic selves and still have everyone love us…
well………..almost everyone.
These days it’s all about being authentic.
We want our food to be authentic. We take vacations that put us into contact with “authentic” experiences and most of all, we get the message that being our “authentic” self will bring us the most happiness and success. Everywhere you go you can find workshops and seminars that teach you how to be authentic in your life.
There’s a down side to being authentic that no one talks about.
What happens when you becomes your authentic self, the truest and most honest version of your self…… when everyone around you is still playing the roles they have always played?
Friction.
Wait! ………What?
You mean if I finally give up all the facades and am living the life I love, I’m gonna run into friction with other people?
Yup! And in some cases that friction is big time!
It could be with family or friends, or you might notice it with co-workers or a supervisor. It doesn’t matter who the person is, you may be feeling some tension with pretty much everyone in your life… your nearest and dearest included.
“Hold on….. if there’s gonna be tension and it’s gonna be uncomfortable, do I even want to to do this?
Do I even WANT to be my authentic self”?
YES! Trust me, you do!
Let’s look at why the tension happens and then at what you can do to make it better.
BEING AUTHENTIC MAY CAUSE TENSION.
At least in the beginning……
By being authentic you have changed, and you are changing. When you step into who you really are, when you start working from a place of connexion to your core values and strengths, you start changing the way you show up in your life. Think about it for a minute- You are now aware of what is really and truly, deep down important to you and you are acting from that place. If you were to write down the top 3 things that have changed for you, what would you write? How are you being different in the world these days now that you are shining your light and being your true self?
And here’s the biggie question… How is your true self different from who you were being a month or more back in your history?
See the differences? GOOD!
Now think about the ways that you are treating the people in your life now versus then. Are you more calm or compassionate? More centred? More patient? Excellent! Those are all good things.
And here’s the kicker….
By being more calm and compassionate you probably aren’t engaging as often with people who want to argue or fight all the time. When you are more centred, more grounded in your own self, you aren’t as likely to invite or escalate the drama that others seem to enjoy.
You are the calm in the midst of the change.
THE LONGER YOU STAND IN YOUR OWN TRUE NATURE,
THE MORE YOU’LL SEE POSITIVE CHANGES TAKING PLACE AROUND YOU.
I’m Not Playin’
In being authentic, you’ve taken away their playthings and they aren’t going to be happy about it. At least not at first. At first they are likely to be confused or angered by your unwilling to “play the game” with them.
Have no fear, the longer you stand in your own true nature, the more you’ll see positive changes taking pace around you. It’s just going to take the people around you a little (or a lot) longer to make the change because they are doing it in reaction to you, not because they thought it up for themselves.
Model Greatness.
Your time has come to step up and model greatness for others. There’s a wonderful quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “be the change you want to see in the world”. Now’s your chance to do that! In fact, you pretty much have no choice. If you want to live as your truly awesome and authentic self, you are going to have to be the change you want. Thats’ how it works!
One way to create some ease is to get out and meet some new people. Whether you are looking for friends to hike or play pool with, or love meeting people in small or large groups, get yourself out there and interacting with people who didn’t know you before you were your fabulous true self!
These people are meeting you for the first time, so the authentic you is the only YOU they will ever know! You’ll be surprised at how different these new relationships are and how you are probably meeting different kinds of people…. It’s all because you are being different in the world.
This is a good thing… you’re gonna want more of this!
But What About My Old Friends?
Never fear, not everyone is gonna have a hard time with the new you. Most people in your life will encourage you and accept you and dance the happy dance with you. They will be able to see the delight and awesomeness that you are bringing into the world, just by being the real you! And the others?……. The good news is that the more you stick to your core values and BE your true self, the more the people around you will adjust.
Those people who are still in the process of understanding and being in relationship with you in different ways are gonna take some time, after all…. They didn’t make the changes, you did! So….. be patient with them. Give them time to learn what the real you is about. And don’t worry about some friction or tension with them in the process…..That is totally normal!
Being your true self and being compassionate with those friends and family who are adjusting to the new you is going to allow you to see everyone around you with clearer eyes. Take some deep breathes and stay calm when the people around you are freaking out. Sometimes they down’t even know what they are upset about- that’s okay. You know and you can be the calm centre for them.
I See a Trend…..
You might start to notice that some people get angry or upset and try to hook you into paying attention to them in ways you never saw before. Others may simply fade out of your life. Taking a few minutes to notice how each person is reacting will help you remain grounded. Note what they are doing, how are they asking for your attention, and then, you get to choose what new way you want to be with them.
Every day you are teaching people who you are now.
You’re also showing them that it’s possible for them to step into being their best bright and shiny selves…. Isn’t that awesome!
THE PRIVILEGE OF A LIFETIME IS TO BECOME WHO YOU TRULY ARE.
— C.G. Jung
Be all of whom you truly are.
Live Your Life!
At the end of the day you want to live life being really happy and you can do that when you live into being your best and most authentic self.
It doesn’t mean that every day you are gonna wake up and be dancing for joy and singing, but it does mean that every single day, you will feel happier and more excited about your life in general. You’ll have more energy for plans and projects and more people will want to share new and fun experiences with you.
Living by your core values and being authentic allows you to live smoother….. the highs are awesome and the lows don’t throw you off your game as much because you know that they are only temporary.
Being authentic and knowing who you really and truly are and what you really and truly value can be the biggest game changer of your life! Just like they say….. Play big!…… Win big!
So go out there and be your awesome, authentic and happiest self and inspire others to do the same!
